Lines and Arrows 2

Hey Beautiful People,

I would like to explain a few things before I go on. Boundaries are not walls, they are fences and fences always have a gate. This means that we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and to also let the bad out. They should be strong enough to keep out danger, but permeable enough to allow safe and good things. Another important thing that you need to know is this; Boundaries should not be set based on selfish desires, but out of the need to protect our minds, to keep them safe. We have a responsibility to our minds, and that is to “guard it with all diligence”.

So, you have accepted the fact that you have weak boundaries, at least in some areas of your life and you are wondering how you can go about the task of redrawing your lines. The first thing you have to know is that there are five prevalent principles when it comes to setting boundaries. They are LIMITS, TRUTH, RESPECT, REAPING WHAT YOU SOW, and ACTIVE PRACTICE. Once you understand that we are required to live our lives within certain limits, you will realize the importance of the ability to always speak the truth (about your feelings, your choices, your desires, your attitude, and your abilities). Being honest clears up a lot of confusion about boundaries. You also need to learn to demand respect. By this I don’t mean that you should go about commanding people to respect you, it doesn’t work that way. You have to first respect yourself, and then respect other people. If you do this the right way, trust me people will respect you in return. Respect is reciprocal; cliché, but true. We should also learn to respect other people’s boundaries and their freedom. Realizing the fact that every action you take has a consequence, and that you are responsible for the consequence of every choice you make will also help you. It is also important to keep at it. You can’t be passive about your boundaries and expect them to be effective.

Setting boundaries is not about being selfish, it is actually about freedom; freedom to be who we are, freedom to express ourselves. But you see, Freedom always comes with a partner, Responsibility.  Responsibility is also connected to Ownership. Ownership here means that you understand the fact that your feelings, attitudes, behavior, choices and desires are yours. It means that you shouldn’t blame others, if for example you are angry. I agree that somebody might have made you angry, but the anger belongs to you, it’s in your mind and so it is your responsibility to get rid of it. This brings us to Control. God has given us freedom, and he commands that we take control of the things that he has entrusted to us.  

Once you understand these principles, you can then begin to analyze the boundaries you have presently. If they do not reflect these principles, then you need to readjust them. Focus on each area that requires renovation, one area at a time, and apply these principles to them.

Change is never easy, and you’ll most likely face challenges and objections. Here are a few tips to help you keep to your new, strong and clear boundaries; Be consistent. Be responsible for your own emotional reactions rather than blaming other people. Do not be a wall, remember fences have gates!

Finally, you cannot do any of the things I mentioned above all by yourself. Your will can only go so far. You need to ask for The Holy Spirit’s help. You see, God knew that we were going to need help and so he sent him to us. Ask him to help you, and the end result will be freedom, self-control and beautifully healthy Boundaries.

Thanks for reading,
‘Lola Ajayi

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Lines and Arrows.

“Without boundaries, our identities become diffused, controlled by the definitions offered by others”- Patricia Evans

Hey Beautiful people,

I’ve always felt analogies are very effective at passing information across because they help people understand things that may seem complicated. Well, here’s an analogy to summarize what this post is about; Imagine that you just built a huge house, with a beautifully landscaped compound; lots of beautiful flowers and trees, and you have different exotic cars in the garage. How do you protect your property? How do you define where your property begins, and where it ends? Did you say, you’d use a fence?! That’s exactly how I would like you to think of boundaries.  

Personal Boundaries are guidelines that a person creates to identify for themselves what are acceptable ways for other people to behave around them, and how they will respond when someone steps out of those limits. I see them as lines that a person draws around himself or herself that show people what areas are out of bounds, and also as arrows that point people to these areas. I like to think that they are a measure of self-esteem. 

Boundaries determine a whole lot in our lives; in fact you wouldn’t be too far from the truth if you say that they define us.  They determine our core values; they determine the type of friends we keep and how close we allow them get; they determine how we act in public and whether it’s different from how we behave when we are by ourselves; they determine how far we are willing to go for others; they determine how well we resist bad influences and peer pressure, and the list goes on and on. The funny thing about them is that oftentimes, we don’t realize that they are there, but the truth is they are very important.

Weak boundaries leave you vulnerable and likely to be taken for granted, and are born out of an un-healthy self-esteem. On the other hand, a healthy self-respect will create boundaries which show you deserve to be treated well. They will protect you from exploitive relationships, and will also help you avoid getting close to people who don’t have your best interests at heart. 

I’d like you to take a few minutes and think about your relationships with people generally. Do you feel uncomfortable by other people’s treatment of you? Do you feel that you are being exploited in your friendships? Do you find yourself doing things, not because you want to, but because you want to please other people? If your answer to any of these questions is YES, it may mean that it is time to redraw your lines.

I’ll be putting up the second part of this post on Tuesday; it will contain steps or pointers that will hopefully help you in resetting your boundaries.

Thanks for reading
‘Lola Ajayi

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Changing Hearts to Change the Earth.

Hey Beautiful People,

I would like to tell you about something wonderful, something you would all like to be a part of. It’s unusual and highly enlightening. It is THE METARMORPHOSIS ACADEMY.

The Academy is a platform where young people meet to unlearn the wrong notions, principles and the general mentality that we have about the world we live in, and instead replace these wrong principles with the TRUTH.  Its aim is to develop a generation of people who understand the reason for their existence and who know how to go about fulfilling their God-given purposes in life. To put it simply, its aim is “Changing hearts to Change the earth”

The next edition holds this Saturday, May 31st 2014, and so if you’ll be in Ibadan or anywhere near Ibadan, I would be glad if you could make it. You won’t regret coming. There would be refreshments too! *wink*

Venue: RCCG. His Royal Majesty Parish
         Opp Hammonds Court Hotel,
         Awolowo way, Bodija Housing est.         Bodija, Ibadan.
Time: 10:30 am (No African time)

Looking forward to seeing you there,

‘Lola Ajayi

Just sitting…

Hey Beautiful People,

  Are you sitting on the sidelines of life, watching other people make a difference and even cheering them on as they achieve their dreams, or are you standing for something, making an impact in people’s lives and creating some sort of change in the world? If I asked you to do a quick assessment of your life and then answer that question, what will your answer be? In Sports, ‘’sidelines’’ is generally defined as the area where players out of play operate during a game. They just sit and watch, either cheering their fellow players on, or insulting them for their lack of skill.

In reality, it’s easier to play safe, anyone can do that. It’s easier to let other people put themselves out there, taking all of the risk, all of the injury, all of the judgment and of course all of the rewards. It’s safer to sit back, relax and watch them, but the truth is you don’t learn anything that way. The only way you can truly learn and develop yourself is if you go out there and get involved with life. Most of us are afraid to lose, and so we hold back and never share our incredible gifts and talents with the world. Do you know that one of the worst things you can ever do is go to your grave with all of your talents and virtues still intact and untouched, all because you were scared of failure and rejection?

I know a lot of people think they don’t have talents; I used to think like that not too long ago. It’s just a big lie, everyone has a talent. There are a few things you can do that help you to find yours. Think about what you love to do, explore different things, try taking personality tests, take note of what people tell you about yourself, consider your interests, discover what you are not good at as well, and when you find your talent, keep practicing, share it with the world and touch people with it.  Oh and guess what? You’ll never find your talent by being a sideliner.
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In the end, do you want to look back on your life and be filled with regret over the things that you never did? If you don’t, get yourself up and do something tangible with your life. Remember, you were not born to add to the world’s population of sideliners, you were born to make a difference.

Thanks for reading,
“Lola Ajayi

My Fleuri Experience

Belles Personnes,

 

French must have been my worst subject in high school, and even though I had been forced to learn the language for six years, I had nothing to show for it. Yes, I knew the usual e.g. the first ten digits of the language: Un, deux, trois… etc., greetings; bonjour, bonsoir, comment ca va?, and some other useless words. My knowledge or lack of it wouldn’t have been useful, if for some reason I found myself in a French speaking country without an interpreter, or in a position where I would have to be fluent in French to be able to get a particular job. I have always known that being able to speak a language other than English gives you an edge over someone who doesn’t, but having to learn this extra language was a major problem.

I finally got an opportunity to join a language training program. It was a program in which I would have had to sit through 5 hours of classes both on Saturdays and Sundays for nine months. I really wasn’t looking forward to it, but I had decided to just get it over with. Two days before my first class, I remembered “The Fleuri Academy”  

The Fleuri Academy provides learning on the go using a model developed for smarter learning deployed via chat applications (Whatsapp, Skype and Google Hangouts). This model enables you to have your classes from anywhere in the world, literally. All you need is a phone, a tab or a laptop, an internet connection and you are good to go.

At first I had my doubts. How effective will the classes be? What if I slept off during my classes? What will happen if I miss any of my classes? Would it even be interactive enough? Will it eventually be a waste of money? My answers to these questions after just one month of classes are:

-The classes have been very effective. From the first class, I was motivated to get as many CDs and books (hard and soft copy versions) on French that I could lay my hands on. I was also made to understand the principles behind certain grammatical rules and structure of the language, something I had never been able to grasp before.

-I have never slept off during any class. The classes are designed in such a way that makes you constantly involved. No dull moments. There is always something for you to do.

-If you miss any class for genuine reasons, it will be replaced as there is a stipulated amount of hours that your tutor must cover within a particular time.

-Yes, the classes are interactive and they keep you on your feet until the class is over.

-Taking classes with Fleuri is definitely not a waste of time or money. Getting your money’s worth is assured.

 

Fleuri also offers other courses. They include;

-Social Media

-Techpreneurship

-Leadership

-Tax Audit

-ATS/ICAN Tutorials

 

For Enquiries and Information

Telephone: +2348121644604

BB PIN : 25FDC467

Email: fleuriconsults@live.com

Blog: tfacademy.wordpress.com

 

Are you ready for your Fleuri experience? Call 08121644604 now!

 

Merci d’avoir lu,

“Lola Ajayi

 

 

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Abberant Words

Hey Beautiful People,

(I recently came across a list of words that are rare and so seldom used that I wonder why they were even invented. They are so rare that when I was typing in this post on my laptop, each of these words were underlined in red. Anyway, I had fun with the words.)

Did you know that you are an Abderian, if you are “given to incessant or idiotic laughter”? Or that “a person who is learning the alphabets of a language” is an Abcedarian. If you find yourself “spending excessively on food and drinks”, you need help because you have a condition known as Abligurition. An Agelast “never laughs”, while “the state of looking younger than one actually is” is known as Agerasia. Do you know what “the wire that holds the cork in a champagne bottle” is called? An Agraffe.
Batrachophagy is “the art of eating frogs”, while that “continuous loud humming or buzzing sound” that mosquitoes make when they are searching for a fleshy part of your skin to bite is called Bombilating. I’m sure you didn’t know that “the rumbling sound of gas passing through the intestines” when you are extremely hungry is known as Borborygmus.
“Loud or Hysterical laughter” is known as Cachinnation and “artfully veiling an insult” is called Charientism. Guys, did you know that your “barber” is also a Chirontosor?
Gargalesis (“Heavy tickling”) causes Gargalesthesia (“The sensation caused by tickling”) and “the space between two windows” is known as an Interfenestration.
Did you know that “the inability to recall a precise word for something at a particular time” is known as Lethologica?
Mulligrubs, (which to me sounds like the art of overeating) is actually “a state of depression or low spirits”
When you “stretch or yawn before going to bed, or after waking up”, you are actually Pandiculating.
“The first person you see when you leave your house” is a Qualtagh, and “someone who always wants to know everything” is a Quidnunc (a.k.a Amebo).
If you need to tell someone that they have “bad breath”, tell them they are Saprostomus, so you can escape before they are done googling the meaning of the word. If you have a friend that has a “habit of dropping in only at mealtimes”, he or she is Sgiomlaireached.

Let me know if you think this post was a Witzelsucht.

Thanks for reading,

‘Lola Ajayi

Abandoned

May 27, 2013.1:00am

It was an odd sight. The creature scampered across the silent road like a rat transporting its bounty. Without further investigation one would have regarded it as a scepter, the legend of bedtime stories and tales by moonlight but it was human and female. She was small and frail and held in her hands two objects wrapped up in bundles. She hurried down the almost lonely road, and after every few steps the figure looked back to see if anyone was following. There was no indication that anyone was chasing her yet she appeared to be running from an imaginary opponent.

True to the fear etched on her furrowed brows, the lady who couldn’t have been more than twenty years old kept to the darker, less illuminated parts of the streets, because, despite the time she had heard stories about this environment. There were still a few people lurking around and she really didn’t want anyone to see her. She winced as she walked past a filling station. It wasn’t only fear and horror that she had on as makeup, one could see her pain. Walking fast was hard for her, she could still feel the pain, the pain in the lower half of her body, but this was something she had to do and get over with, so she could get back to her normal life. She missed her normal life and she knew for certain that her normal life missed her. All she needed to do was discard this two telltale signs of her mistake.

She was heading for the largest Refuse dump in the area, where she would deposit the bundles she was carrying and be on her way like one would deposit cash in a bank,then she would be free. She missed the parties and nights out with her girlfriends. She missed particularly Sylvester and his charming ways. She even missed Tunji but wasn’t it him that had put her in this position. The smell of rotten eggs arrested her attention and she was brought back to reality. Nights of continuous rain had accentuated the horrid smell of the pile of filth, she attempted to cover her nose but it was too late. She was overwhelmed but sadly she had no choice.

She was about to place the two mysterious items in an empty carton of Indomie but then something else caught her eye. ATruck. She had seen them trooping into the city in the weeks after the governor had announced his plans to construct three more hospitals. She felt a surge of guilt, she had to be merciful even in her wickedness. The driver had probably parked it by the side of the road so he could rest overnight. She hoped he hadn’t decided to rest inside the truck. Well, even if he had decided to, she wouldn’t let that disturb the quick plan that had just formed in her head. She took a quick glance around and when she was satisfied that nobody was watching her, placed the first bundle directly behind the last tire on the left side of the truck, and the second bundle behind the last tire on the right side of the truck. Just then lightening fingered across the sky followed by the clash of thunder almost as though the heavens were uttering their disgust at her. She stared at the sky sheepishly, tears rolling down her eyes and whispered “ God, Please forgive me” then she disappeared into the darkness.

7:00am

The clouds had emptied their content over the city. Everyone was hard at work, the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps even on public holidays. Osita cursed his luck, despite fleeing the farmlands of Benin as a child he had only managed to obtain a job as a truck driver in the so called “Center of Excellence.” This morning he certainly wasn’t feeling excellent. Olamide’s ‘Durosoke’ blazed from the barbing salon opposite the filling station. Osita wasn’t looking forward to another long, hard day of driving. He always wished he had been given the opportunity to get a proper education, maybe he would have been able to make something of his life. Being a truck driver wasn’t what he planned for himself, but a truck driver he was and duty called. Last night, he had decided to give himself a treat and so instead of sleeping in his truck as he usually did, he had spent the night in a local motel. On getting to where he parked the truck, he decided to check the tires to see if any one needed to be changed or pumped with air. He was satisfied with the tires on the left side and was about to move to the right side when he noticed a black polythene nylon neatly placed behind the last tire, like the person who placed it there had wanted the truck to drive over whatever was inside the bag. He had been involved in many bar discussions to understand the delicate security issues facing the nation. Placing his hands gingerly on each side of the bag, he peeked in. What he saw shocked him to the bones. Somebody, a fellow human being had left a new born baby in there to die, to be crushed to death by the huge, merciless tires of his truck. Osita quickly pulled out the baby, and to his surprise the baby was still breathing. He heaved a sigh of relief. The baby was wrapped in a shawl, which was probably the reason why it hadn’t died of cold. He was suddenly confused. What exactly was he going to do with a new born baby? Maybe he should take it to a Police station? Or an Orphanage?Or perhaps a hospital?Remembering that he was in the process of checking his tires before he found the baby, he moved to the right side of the truck, and then he saw the second bag. Osita hoped it was the baby’s placenta or a change of clothes, which wouldn’t have made sense, seeing as the person who left the baby here, had obviously wanted the baby to die. He peeped inside as he had the first time, and then screamed “ Okpotoromhe! They are twins. ”

7:15am

Sharon was late. She should have been at the orphanage by 6:30am, but because today was the monthly cleaning day for the whole town, popularly referred to as environmental, she hadn’t been able to get any public form of transportation and so she had had to trek. Sharon really didn’t mind trekking, as long as she didn’t get to disappoint the lovely children at the Lighthouse Orphanage and she even needed some exercise. Today was Children’s Day and the Orphanage volunteers had planned a huge children’s day celebration party for the children. She had been a volunteer for about two years, and had never seen the children so excited about anything before. Even though it had been for a short while, preparations for the party had succeeded in taking their minds off what it meant to be orphans, and so she really wanted them to have as much fun as they could have. Sharon was about two major streets away from the orphanage, when she heard a loud, masculine scream. She ran in the general direction that the scream had come from and was greeted with an odd sight. It was a scruffy-looking man carrying a bundle, which on closer inspection turned out to be a baby and he was looking into a black polythene bag on the floor.

“Oga, what is it? I heard you screaming.”

“Hmmn… My sister, wonders shall never end oh. Na me get this trailer wey you see for here. Na so I say make I check all my tires o, I come see this black nylon behind my back tire. I come say make I check the thing wey dey inside, my sister, na new born Pikin! Pikin wey people dey find. This world wicked .Oya please check the second nylon”

Sharon, not sure she was eager to find out the contents of the second bag, inched her way slowly towards it and looked inside. It was another baby. Tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. How could a mother who had carried these children for nine months leave them to die so cruelly? She shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if this truck driver hadn’t decided to check his tires.

Sharon gently brought out the second baby from the polythene hoping and praying that it was alive too. The baby’s eyes were closed, but it had a pulse, a weak pulse. These children needed to be rushed to the nearest hospital for a thorough check-up.

“Oga, what’s your name?”

“Osita.”

“We have to take these babies to the hospital as soon as possible. I also know of an orphanage that’ll welcome them.”

Osita, glad that someone else had decided to take up the burden of taking care of the children gladly agreed to her plan.

“Mr Osita, I need you to do me a favour, you’ll drive us to the hospital. It’s not far from here and is the same hospital that the orphanage makes use of.”

“Okay, madam. Just direct me to the hospital”

Sharon quickly rummaged through her bag for her phone. She had to make a call to the founder of the Lighthouse Orphanage and mother to all of the children in the house, Mummy Light, as she was fondly called. There had never been a set of twin orphans in the house before, and Sharon was sure everyone was going to be excited about it. Today’s party was going to be a double celebration

Thanks for reading,

“Lola Ajayi